If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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