i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will pee on everything he values.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
