literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
