I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
