How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize