I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
