Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
