What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
