This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
