I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
