Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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