it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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