Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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