It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I forget how to act sober
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