what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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