I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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