Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
