I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
