Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
