i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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