I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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