my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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