Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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