Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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