I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
