YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
