do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
