what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
