Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
