these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
