I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
