I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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