Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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