Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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