Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
