If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
