I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The best revenge is premature balding
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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