you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
