Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
