Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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