Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
