i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
