Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
