im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pants are for mortals
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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