Yo dont text me then not text me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
