I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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