The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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