look no pants
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
