I bet he comes in French.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
