quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I need water and some morals
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
