please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
