I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
People in love make me want to vomit
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
