I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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