she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
