i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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