His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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