I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
