i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.