Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sext me about skeletons
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.