In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.