Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.