So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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