awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The uberlube is also flammable
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
