New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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