I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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