I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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