Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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