i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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