end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
