i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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