dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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