Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
