Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
