dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
high people should be assigned attendants
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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