i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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