you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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