Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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