Dual....:-)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
